Eraser Free

It seems like in our lives we have one, maybe two friends that no matter how much time has passed between seeing each other, it’s like you pick up where you last left off. That’s how I feel about my friend Kim.

Kim lives in the middle of country and I live in the Pacific Northwest – not exactly a short road trip. Thanks to Facebook, I feel like we’ve done a better job of keeping up with each other’s lives, but nothing beats spending time together.

Thanks to Kim’s company, she landed in Seattle last week for a conference. This time we figured it had been four years since we’d seen each other in person. 

I picked her up Friday afternoon from her swanky hotel and we spent the next few hours together – chatting, chatting, drinking, eating, chatting, and generally catching up on the last four years.

There’s a lot of things I love about Kim, and one of those is her ability to tell stories. And I’m sorry Kim, but you told me a story I can’t help but share. It was so darn funny, I still laugh when I think of the visual. So, I must share. Hopefully my dear friend will still speak to me – if she happens to read this.

I believe what I’m about to share occurred more than a year ago. And it all started on the way to Kansas City. Kim and her boyfriend have been known to get books on tape for their car trips, such as this one. On this particular trip, her beau/soon-to-be hubby had apparently purchased a book and asked her if she’d read it to him during their journey.

Okay, there’s two things I have to share. I’ll make it simple and won’t bother to get into shades of gray here. Kim is a Democrat, her life partner is a Republican and my guess is they have many spirited conversations. The other thing you should know is that Kim is an AVID reader. She reads fast and she reads a lot – mostly fiction, But, she definitely casts a wide net that covers many different genres – both non-fiction and fiction.

So, here’s the scenario. Kim and her beau have begun their trip across the corn-field laden trek to Kansas City. He asks her to read to him from a book he’s purchased. Of course she will. It’s what they do and reading is her thing. He pulls out the book. And, before I tell you who wrote this particular non-fiction, it’s important to remember she’s a Democrat and yes, a female.

I have difficulty even typing the evil incarnate’s name Ann Coulter’s name. Honestly, I don’t think she deserves the space on this blog, but if I didn’t include her name the story would fall well short of expectations.

So picture this: My friend Kim begins reading one of Ann’s reprehensible books. I believe it was the one before the last one – don’t have a clue on the title. The fact is regardless of which book, even one Ann Coulter book is one too many so it’s really not worth knowing any of the titles.

Kim is reading and reading. At times she’s rolling her eyes, sighing, expressing the appropriate disgust and making other gestures. It starts to get a little darker and the bluster-filled hatred on the pages gets unbearable. She tells her beau she needs to pause for a minute and hits the button to roll down the window for a little fresh Nebraska air.

Inside, she’s stewing. The words spewing from the page are disgusting and disparaging at best. She casually and confidently gives the book a big heave ho.

Her beau of course is shocked, and asks what she’s just done. Kim of course replies she’s simply had enough and basically that shit she just threw out will help the Nebraska corn grow. I don’t think she used the word shit, but basically affirmed that the crap in that book is better off as fertilizer than anywhere else.

She says to her beau, and I muight be improvising here slightly , “I’ll buy you a new book, but I won’t give her, the evil incarnate, any of my money.” End of story.

So if you happen to be driving across Nebraska and see some surprisingly tall corn that looks well nourished and flourishing, it just might be due to the special piece of manure my friend threw out the car window.

You know, that’s the best use and place for an Ann Coulter book that I’ve ever heard of.

And yes, Kim is a great storyteller and I so appreciate this story, but the fact is she’s an overall wonderful person, and I feel very lucky to have a friend like her – even though we may only see each other every four years.